Why did Russia invade Afghanistan?

| March 20, 2012 | Comments (0)

We must remember that come 1978, Russia (yeah Soviet Union whatever – it’s Russia) was spreading Gorbachev’s great religion communism across the world.

(As a side topic, whether communism was indeed invented by Gorbachev is a hotly debated topic here among us at Whythiswhythat.com, since it is just a copy with slight modifications of Marxism. Though in the end we agreed that this doesn’t matter, since according to the communists, everything is owned by the people, including ideas and ideologies.)

Nevertheless, the great religion Communism was devouring every corner of the world – Cuba, Hungary, Berlin… The entirety of South America (although they weren’t really communist, they just liked the communist religion because it is beneficial for lazy people).

But one country was still not really sure whether to believe in communism or its great rival, Islam. Gorbachev focused his great eyes on Afghanistan as his next target. He wanted nothing else but to crush the Afghan resistance and force people to believe in the truth – Communism.

The Afghan problem

Russia is invading this?

Russia is invading this? (Attribution: http://www.fotopedia.com/items/flickr-4270114056)

One of the major problems with Afghanistan was that capitalism seemed to actually be working. People were earning money, women’s rights were getting stronger, and freedom for individuals was increasing.

Another problem was that Islam was quite strong as well.

Although correlation isn’t causality, Gorbachev put two and two together and concluded that Islam must be crushed. This wasn’t a good move. According to the great ancient warrior Sun Tzu, you should never attack your enemy without first studying him carefully. (Sun Tzu doesn’t give any advice of what to do if your enemy is a woman though.) Gorbachev hadn’t studies his enemy carefully enough. Thus, he didn’t know about the secret wrath of God that Muslims can summon through their holy call of Jihad.

The great war

The Red Army marched into Afghanistan, with their sights on each and every Muslim – child or adult, Gorbachev had declared that they must all die in order for the great religion of Communism to continue its spread.

The holy call of Jihad was made. God’s great wrath was brought down upon the communists.

We all know how it ended. The great Soviet Union no longer exists. Don’t fuck with God.

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Category: Politics

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