Why does coffee make you pee so much?

Everybody likes a good coffee! (Well, most people anyway..) It makes you feel good, energized and ready to take on a day, head on! (Plus, it tastes good!)

There is one problem however… You use the energy you get from coffee to start working, building momentum.. Only to be abruptly interrupted from needing to pee! And when you’re back, that momentum is all but gone, forcing you to start over again..

But why is it really that coffee makes you pee so much? Only by understanding this can we see if a solution exists.

How peeing works

First, let’s understand what pee actually is, and how it works.

The first step of pee building up is that you eat. Eating brings in lots of different building blocks into your body – fluids, nutrition, waste, proteins and more.

These building blocks have to be dissembled to be used in various functions of your body. The collection is done by small men who run around in your body. There are different classes of body-men, some collecting vitamins, some collecting energy capsules and some collecting drops of fluid residing in the food you eat.

There is a special class of body-men who are specialized in R&D. These men randomly steal particles collected by other men, and take it into a secret body-lab for experimentation. There, they put together the particles in various combinations and observe the effects.

Sometimes, this mixing and matching random particles create exciting results – such as extra energy, health or growth-hormones.

Most of the time, however, the experimenting R&D body-men end up with toxic chemicals that have to be thrown out. These chemicals are pee.

The pee is collected into a special pee-box, from which they are collected by body-cleaners, also called pee-men. The pee-men encapsulate the pee-particles in pee-bags, and put them in your body’s blood-stream. The pee-bags have properties that automatically draw them to your urinal-bladder. When they pass your urinal-bladder, therefore, the pee-particles are collected there. As your bladder fills up, you feel the urge to pee.

Peeing from too much coffee? (Attribution: http://flic.kr/p/5FZNy5)

Why coffee produces extra amounts of pee

Have you ever thought about why coffee is black?

Well, the blackness of coffee stems from catalyst-particles that reside within the coffee beans. These catalyst-particles are like amphetamine to our little R&D body-men working in our body-labs.

When you drink coffee, your R&D body-men come in contact with the catalyst-particles and eat them. The effect the particles have on them is the same that coffee has on you – only much stronger.

After eating the catalyst-particles, our little R&D body-men work twice (in rare cases three times) as fast than they normally would – and they love it! Of course, although this enables them to produce extra much energy for you (this is the effect you feel from drinking coffee), it also produces extra much pee.

That is why drinking coffee makes you pee a lot.

Can I prevent peeing much when I drink coffee?

Unfortunately, although your body R&D body-men work faster when they eat the catalyst-particles, they don’t work more efficiently. That is, the ratio of pee vs. energy production is always the same. So the more energy they produce, the more pee is produced as a bi-product.

There are some scientists today who have come close to building a human-size body-lab – meaning that body-men can be replaced by real-men, and working to produce energy-particles in real-life sizes. Unfortunately, in order for the body to use them, they must be in the right size, and nobody has yet found out how to produce energy particles in the right size.

There is hope though – some scientists have had breakthroughs in shrinking-technology. Strong hints have been taken from the movie “Honey I shrank the kids”.

How to balance coffee-drinking with the pee it produces

Although you can’t reduce the amount of pee produced by drinking coffee, you can avoid the problem discussed in the beginning by adjusting your timing of drinking it.

Every body-lab is differently optimized to suit your body’s needs. So the first thing you need to do is to understand the metrics unique to your personal body-lab. To do this, establish a system in which you measure how long time it takes from you drinking coffee, until the moment you need to pee.

When you know this, you are ready to optimize your coffee-drinking to enjoy the benefits of it, without being negatively affected by its pee by-product.

Simply drink your coffee in such a time that you will need to pee right before you need the energy from the coffee. For example, if your body-system produces pee 1 hour after drinking coffee, drink it 1 hour and 10 minutes before you need the energy from the coffee.

This way, you will pee right before you need your momentum. After you start working, no need to pee will disrupt your momentum, allowing you to use the energy from the coffee fully and without interruptions!

Tags: coffee, peeing

Category: Health